Lessons Learned In The Week Of Tears

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I have cried a lot last week.

I had to of gone through every emotion you could think of. I felt like I was drowning and the more I tried to come up for air the further I sunk. If you don’t mind sitting for a spell while I pour out my heart a little bit here as a kind of partner post for Water The Flowers.

To be honest with you and myself, I have felt angry. Angry at pretty much everything that was out of my control. Angry that I felt like my life was on hold and not able to move on  to the next season. At one point I think I cried out, when will it be my turn?

I feel that it is important to balance the positive with a touch of reality. Trying to remind yourself that not all rainy seasons are bad, is tough. Especially when you feel like you are in a downpour that just won’t let up. Sometimes this comes in one of many forms and sometimes in all of them. Either way, no matter how positive you try, sometimes you feel like you just ran into a wall. It stings. All the “I’m Okays” and the “Look at the good” feels like a slap in the face. How long do I need to wait for my life to go in the direction I want it too? Is it up to me? Up to other people? How can I trust God with this? I firmly believe in and stand by what I said in the post linked above, but to be honest, some days are just harder then others.

I remember taking the picture above. I picked a throwback on purpose. I was 18 maybe 19. It was in the time where mirror selfies were done with a camera and flash. In this picture, I thought I had an idea of where I was going. What I was going to be doing. I have my natural hair color, the white tee shirt I loved to wear then. Probably barefoot or wearing those ridiculous sneaker wedges I thought were cute. I was with someone I thought I was going to marry, have babies and the farmhouse I had always wanted. The girl in the picture thought she knew. However, few months after this photo was taken, I ended the relationship, stopped wearing those weird shoes and asked myself, what now?

Life is full of “what now?” questions. You can’t really avoid them. Because we change on a constant basis and our lives change right along with us. Sometimes it is drastic, other times it happens so quietly that when you look in the mirror you almost have to reintroduce yourself to yourself. It happens. It is life. Sometimes life brings tears. That has been this past week. It has been a season. A season that sometimes feels like it is never going to end. However the truth is that it will come to an end. It takes time, faith, and the word that is most difficult to swallow: trust. It is hard to trust what we can’t see.

There was a time where Colin and I went to the King and Queen Seat at Rock State Park. It is 100 feet and 200ft from Deer Creek below. I never considered myself to have a fear of heights, but as I stood at the top, I made a huge mistake. I looked down. I know, I know, what was I thinking? I thought I could handle it. I thought “Hey, I have no fear and it won’t bother me to take a peek..” I ended up slowly moving towards a rock that was away from the edge and sitting. Looking at the trees and calming my racing heart. That is what this week for me has been like. Sometimes when we feel like we are falling, we make the mistake of looking down instead of looking up. When you look down you look at the fact there is nothing you can really see. It is scary. But when you keep your eyes up at The One who has had you the whole time.

That is the thing. We often forget that we are being held. That when we feel like we are falling it’s not as drastic as we make it seem.

The Lord is good, a refuge in a time of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him.”

Nahum 1:7 NIV

We have a place to run to even when it feels like it’s too far or not there at all. He is there. I know I have shared this poem before and I am feel it is fitting for this too.

The poem was written by a Jewish prisoner at a concentration camp. Scratched on the wall that housed someone’s nightmare, was a poem.

I believe in the sun,

even when it isn’t shining.

I believe in love,

even when I am alone.

I believe in God,

even when he is silent.

Maybe it is because we live in a world of social media where everything is documented, but I feel that even when I think God is being silent….He really isn’t. In fact it’s the outside noise that is making it hard to hear. In other cases it is the voices of our addictions, our illness…. that causes us to go deaf. Then there are times where silence is an answer. If I am honest, I don’t really understand why.

I love hymns, the one that has been on my heart recently is Because He Lives. There is this one part that I have been repeating to myself often this week is “Because He lives, I can face tomorrow…” I needed to be reminded of that. To be reminded that even when I feel like my life is dark and falling apart, that I have an anchor there. I have always had an anchor. I just had to toss it out into the stormy seas and simply be still.

~Bee

 

 

 

 

 

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Daisy Jone & The Six[Spoiler Free]

Well, it has been way to long since my last book review. Thankfully that is coming to an end because I plan on bringing back the book reviews! Yay!! I am starting this off with a bang with probably the hottest book club read. In fact it has Reese Witherspoon’s book club seal on it. So if Reese is reading it, you know I had to see what the fuss was all about.

I am keeping this spoiler free, just my overall thoughts on the book itself. This book photograph’s well, which is a bonus. If you have been around for awhile, you know that pretty books are my weakness. So as you can tell from the photo and title of this blog, I am going to be talking about Daisy Jones & The Six by Taylor Jenkins Reid.

Let me start with talking about how hard it was to find this book. I was going to rent it through the library app, but you guys the wait list was insane. Everyone wants their hands on this book. So I did what another bibliophile would do, I went out and bought it.

So before I go into my overall thoughts on this book, let me tell you what this book is about.

This is a coming of age story about Daisy Jones who lives in L.A. in the late sixties. Her voice gets noticed. Also getting noticed is The Six, a band. A producer noticed that that the key to success is to put the beautiful Daisy and brooding frontman Billy Dunne together. They form Daisy Jones and The Six and they create a hit album together only to go their separate ways after a concert in Chicago.

This was a good read, I really enjoyed the interview style. It felt like watching a interview on TV. I can honestly say that it was different from anything I have read before. I have nothing to really compare it too. Which is always a good thing with any book that I read. This book is an imagination heaven. I could picture the flash backs, the music… not mention the fact that 70’s rock and roll is summed up of sex, drugs and rock and roll. I also really enjoyed pulling up Janis Joplin, Fleetwood Mac… just to name the top two I can think of that I listened to while I was reading. In the edition that I got from Target, it included the song lyrics. I am not sure if that is the case with all the editions out there, if you know let me know in the comments, but I really enjoyed flipping through to the song lyrics as songs were finished.

Daisy Jones is a character, in the best way. I loved trying to get to know her. Underneath the tough act, she just wanted to be loved.

I have always had a soft spot for brooding male characters, and Billy Dunne was broody. There were some choices he made that will make you dislike him sometimes, especially during the process of them making the album.

Through out the book you are waiting to see where the big fall out is. Why did the band split up? The story covers a lot of tricky life situations. From dealing with the pressures of the music industry… down to the personal lives of the band members. All woven into beautiful complicated story. Prove that life is messy, and things are not always as they seem. I was pleasantly surprised that as the events unfolded they didn’t unfold the way I thought they would. I love when a book isn’t predictable.

A little note on the content. There is drug use, language, some sexual content but nothing explicit.

As for my overall rating for this book, I give it a 4 out of 5. One point simply because while I loved everything, there were some parts that were a tad slow for my liking. That is just a personal preference. I do highly recommend this book if your interested in a good coming of age book and music.

Have you read it? Let me know your thoughts down below in the comments! Also give me some recommendations, I am always looking for a new book to read!

Happy Reading!

Bee

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Water The Flowers

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Life has been a tad crazy to be honest with you. Trying to write a blog post has been a little bit of challenge. All because of time. Not enough hours in the day, no inspiration… it tends to drag.

There is so much going on, and eventually I will tell all. It’s kind of like a puzzle, one day it looks like everything is together, and then other days it looks like everything is falling apart. Sounds depressing, I know, but hang with me a sec.

One of the things that I think makes life beautiful and unique is the different stories. We are all walking stories and they can be similar in some ways but they are different to each of us. Which is beautiful. I happen to be in a rainy season right now. I have planted a lot flowers and now we have to wait for them to bloom. That is where it is hard waiting. Waiting for all the good things to come from it. I think the biggest mistake is that when the rain comes we tend to get depressed and wish it would stop. However, when you plant flowers you have to water it. So rainy seasons are simply just watering your flowers. It doesn’t have to be a horrible thing.

Seasons of life are natural and they are necessary. It helps us learn and grow. Life is full of lessons. The good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugly.

Ecclesiastes 3:1

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven

There is more to the passage that is worth reading, but we have different seasons for a reason. To learn from them, to grow.

The rainy season is not an end but the beginning of something new. It is all the life lessons we have learned being watered and growing to become apart of ourselves. To be transparent with you, I have been struggling with this concept. Simply because I like to go through the what if I did this or that. It’s hard to see the good in the seasons that are not the ones we are looking forward to. That’s the point is it not? If everything happened exactly the way we wanted them too then we wouldn’t need a Savior. Someone to champion for us during the rough times. The times where you feel like you are drowning and have no where to go. We flail about our arms about and we try and make sense of the things that don’t always make sense. It makes us feel hopeless and that is why we don’t look at those seasons of rain with contempt. We didn’t choose this, we didn’t ask for it so why do we have to deal with it? Questions I have asked myself so many times. I wish I had the answer as to why bad things happen, but I do know that I don’t have to go through this stuff alone. That is the part we tend to forget. That we are not the first or last person to deal with the stuff we go through. We would be surprise looking around us, how many people have or are dealing with the same things that we are.

So don’t stress when the rain comes, because at the end, we will see something beautiful will have popped up. Just be patient.

~Bee

Hello 28

Well, I am 28. Funny, I thought I would have something witty to say but it appears that I am simply thankful to have made it to 28. Some may not like looking at 30 approaching so quickly, but I have learned to embrace it. You see, having had a dear cousin pass away before she got to 28, you can’t help but be reminded that tomorrow isn’t promised and growing older should be embraced as there are families that would have loved to have seen their loved ones grow older. But this post isn’t suppose to be sad. it is suppose be joyful.

I am loving this stage of life that I am in. I am an adult who still likes to watch Sailor Moon, likes to reread Nancy Drew, and the occasional punk rock song as I am cleaning my house. I have house plants, wear floral robes and care more for my skin care then I do my makeup. I have also added learning to crochet to my list of artsy accomplishments.

I am still not a big shinny diamond kind of girl, and I love my simple wedding ring. It means something to me.

That is the thing about life though, it’s what keeps it interesting.. is all the little organic changes that happens as we get older. My brother like to tease me about getting old, but I love the fact that I have lived 28 years. I have experienced 28 years of joys, hardships, laughter and tears. Thank God more laughter then tears as evidenced by those laughter lines I slather eye cream on. It’s harder to lose weight but I don’t regret that donut at all.

I still have the desire to travel, and I have learned to fully embrace myself from the parts I am proud of to my flaws. This is who I am. I am complex and I am confident in who I am. I learned that over the course of time, not everyone is going to like you. Some people are going to take advantage of you, and then there are people who think they are protecting you. Even so be gracious. The world doesn’t need to know your accomplishments, it’s to busy pointing out all the wrongs. Be kind anyway. You are going to disagree, be classy not petty. Because when your classy about it, people listen to you, and know that even if you disagree they have a seat at your table anyway.

We worry to much about this, that and everything in between, we don’t live. So for my 28th year, I am going to live. Live my life to the fullest, have fun. Because I will only be this age once. I am going to embrace it fully. I am going to run with it. Okay, maybe not run because running is not for me. I am going to dance my way through and enjoy this life that I have been blessed with. I am going to do the things that make me happy and say no to the things that don’t.

So Happy birthday me, 28 is going to be a good year. I can tell.

~Bee

 

Story Time: Excerpt Of What I am Working On

*Well, I finally got the time to sit down and share some of my writings with you all. So  I thought it would be fun to share an excerpt of what I am working on at the present. Thursday’s post will be completely different, but I thought I would to share what I have been working on.

With that being said, this is a rough draft at best. Still working through how I want things to be written and the over all feel. I am not sure yet if I will continue sharing excerpts from this story but we will cross that bridge when we get there. I am keeping this excerpt super short, simply because I am still working on the story, and what I am showing you is what I am happy with at the moment. So without anymore chatter from me, here is the untitled excerpt:

 

The rain tapped on the window of my New York apartment as the sound of the keys on my 1950’s typewriter filled the silence. Something about an old typewriter makes writing a joy unlike anything I have ever experienced. In between my job and the phone calls back home, I create an ambiance to work on my day dream. A cup of coffee in a pretty mug, Anthropologie candle lit, a stack of paper waiting to be fed through the typewriter I found at an antique shop back home. I sit at my desk and my book picks up where I left off. Then as quickly as the pace started, it ended. I exhale a frustrated breathe. Something just doesn’t feel right. I look at the clock, I realized I lost all track of time. The mail box is probably full as I have neglected to check it. I grab  my keys and walk down the flight of stairs to the wall of mailboxes. I picked this apartment because it kind of reminded me of Audrey Hepburn’s apartment in Breakfast At Tiffany’s. Oozing charm at a rate that I could afford. Affordable character. My mail box was full, I really neglected my mail. I walk back up to my apartment. I walk through the door and remember that my plants need watering, so I water them. Then pour myself another cup of coffee and sift through the envelopes that hold bills and junk mail and come across a pink envelope. My sister’s no doubt. My mom never really quite understood my love for writing. Leaving the comforts of home for the big city hours away. My mom wanted me married with at least a baby on the way. following the footsteps of my older sister. She is married with three kids and a fourth on the way.  As I open the beautiful elaborate invitation I see my youngest sister Amy’s name written in the fanciest font. Lace, glitter and frills. Amy all the way. Sighing, I pick up my phone and call my mom. 

 

 

Update for March

Well, it has been a hot minuet since my last post. I tend to like to take February off it seems. Though this time it was not intentional. Life really has a way of getting busy and sometimes life is just crazy. However, I will say that this month, I am going to do something different. It will give me an opportunity to be more creative. I do have a couple of trips this month as well as my birthday(yay!!) that I will be making blog posts on as well. So, before I get right to the point of my little project, I want to give a little back story.

I have written and posted a couple of short stories here. I believe I called them super short stories. I really enjoyed writing those, I love writing stories. I am going to link the stories that are already posted previously so that you can check them out if you would like, but I had to ask myself why I don’t post more stories if I enjoy writing them so much…and so I plan to change that and write more short stories here on my blog.

The Summer I Pretended You Were Mine • A Super Short Story•

The Gravel Lane• Short Story•

Sail Boats: Short Story

I enjoy writing and so that is why for the month of March, I am going to put out new short stories. I am going to have all of my short stories put into a separate category called ” Super Short Stories” that way they are easy to find. If this goes well and you all enjoy them, maybe I will make it a regular thing? I thought it would be fun to churn out some more stories and share them here. With that being said I am going to make a schedule for when a new story will come out. Tuesdays and Thursdays. I am going to try my best to do two stories a week, and then any other posts nonrelated will go out on Wednesdays. I am super excited and I am looking forward to sharing my stories with you!

-BEE

Wanderlust Series: Future Travels

 

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Processed with VSCOcam with c1 preset

“Not all who wander are lost.” -J.R.R Tolkien

I would go as far as to say that travel is my love language. I love exploring new and old places. After every trip, I am like where to next? I try and write down a list of places that I would like to venture off to. Now, I may not be able to make it to every destination but I like to at least have some goals in mind so that way I can look at all of the things that I need to do to plan and then just pick one off of my list. Some are already planned out, and then there are others that are more of a bucket list

Travel Plans 2019:

1. Washington DC

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This will be a return trip but in March I will be back in DC. I am so excited because this will be a trip with just Colin and I. Colin isn’t really one for cities but we are in for a fun time.

2. Harper’s Ferry & Anietam Battlefield:

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My birthday trip this year will be the same as last year. Colin and I love going to battlefields. I am really looking forward to this trip because this is a favorite spot of ours.

3. Gettysburg:

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If you have been around for awhile Gettysburg is one of those places that Colin and I visit on a daily basis so it really is no surprise that we will be making this a day trip.

4. Williamsburg:

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This is another trip that is a regular yearly trip. It is not only yearly but it is one of our most anticipated trips. Mainly because this is a vacation not just a day trip.

5. New York City:

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This is one of those trips that I hope to make this year. I love New York City and I always have fun plus the atmosphere of the city is just something that I really enjoy experiencing.

6. Jim Thorpe:

This cute town in PA has a lot of history and it is so cute. This will be an all new adventure that I am really, really looking forward to.

7. The Beach:

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Processed with VSCOcam with c1 preset
Not sure which beach yet, but last year I missed out on going. This year, I am definitely going.

8. Franklin:

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Another repeat, but probably one of my favorite trips that I go on. It is one that I have made with family since Colin has to work. Seriously one of the cutest little towns and one day would love to move there someday.


So that is my list of travel hopes for this year. I am really looking forward to trying to blog more of my trips as well as include some of my favorite places that I like to go, do and eat. Where are some of your favorite places to travel to? Leave me a comment!

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-B