A New Chapter In The TTC Journey

Well it has been a little bit since I have posted about my TTC journey. I think the last post I talked about the stress of TTC and baby names. So I figured that I should give you an update for the month of July.

I ended up taking a break from TTC for the month of July. No charting, no checking, no stress, no fuss. It helped having friends over for two weeks and going out of town for a week. I needed a vacation and I needed to really just have some fun. In fact it was so relaxing, I have carried it into August. I am currently waiting for AF to show up. Which should be any day now. 

Taking a month off and not really trying for a baby has been a smart move. I came to a point where it was time to stop counting the months that go by. Just enjoy life. If any of you have walked through the TTC journey, you know that it can be draining emotionally. It can be stressful. 

To continue with enjoying life; I am doing WorshipU online courses. I am planning on going down to visit my Aunt in West Virginia. It is all exciting things. Babies are blessing. I don’t want to be frustrated, stressed or worried during the process. 

I will do monthly updates. Because I am still on this journey. I just have a different attitude. That and to be able to look back at these posts later. I can see how my prayers get answered. 

Sending Baby Dust your way!

Brandy

Letting Go and Letting God

      
This morning, I sat with my cup of coffee and my new devotional. The past few days with Shauna  on pregnancy and the exposed heart of a woman aching to be a mom. 

Since entering this journey, it has been full of up’s and downs. I don’t think any woman expects to still be sitting on the bench waiting to be picked for the mommy team. 

It’s not that I’m not happy for the wonderful women who have joined the mommy team. In fact, I am elated. However, that doesn’t mean I don’t have a moment where I wish I could have the same thing. 

The past month, I felt a gentle tug on my heart to allow July to be a month of rest. It is so easy to allow myself to feel the anxiety and sadness of the months that didn’t work out the way I wanted them too. To be able to stand on the edge of that mountain and raise my hands and cry out in complete surrender. To come to a place where it is okay to feel the emotions that hit me. At the same time not allowing sadness to conquer my heart. I think in those moments, there is nothing that God can’t handle. This doesn’t just mean infertility but for every aspect of life that becomes difficult. Whether it is praying for a new job or waiting for God to point in the direction where your gifts will be used. No matter the season you are in, there is nothing that God can’t handle or carry you through. 

Whatever it is that you are going through, would you join me in letting it go and allowing God to carry us? 

~Brandy

Stress and Baby Names

Jumping on to do a quick TTC update.

So far no BFP. My cycle has also decided to be super irregular. It has made TTC an irritating and emotionally frustrating. I do believe a lot of it is stress. I don’t want to bore you all with a list of things I am stressed out about. I am going to take charge and focus more on reducing my stress levels and less on TTC. Relaxing. I have some fun things in store and I want to focus and enjoy those moments. So far here is what I have been doing:

1. Taking a nap:

I have been turning in earlier and waking up early. I love early mornings and that early morning cup of coffee. About mid day, I have started taking a small nap. A complete unplug. No phone, no tv or music. Silence. Not being also attached to my phone has been so relaxing.

2. Getting out and Doing Things:

Going for walks, swimming in the river. Or going on a day trip. Colin and I have been doing more this summer as a couple as well as individuals. Having fun and laughing is a great way to reduce your stress levels! 

I have also gotten into thinking about names. We have a boy name picked and ready to go. However we have been looking at girl names. The problem hasn’t been finding names. It’s been me liking a whole bunch names and trying to sort through them and pick one! The boy name was easy. It is the only name both Colin and I loved when it comes to a boy. The girl name has been more of a challenge. Mainly because I have been looking for names that not every one is using. So far there are two names that I am in love with! It’s picking the one I would use now. That has been a challenge. I won’t be sharing them until I am pregnant, gender is known and I make the announcement. 😉 

So there is my quick update! How about you? How do you relieve stress? Got your babies names picked out? feel free to send me a comment! 

~Brandy

There’s No Place Like Home

  

Thursday morning I finished packing my bags and came back to the place I grew up. I always love coming back home. I love pulling up the drive and seeing the familiar barn, the sound of the gravel crunching beneath the tires. The sweet clean air and the over grown Christmas trees that could probably tell a story or two. 

I came back to help my mom since she had a procedure done. This morning I walked my younger siblings down to the bus, waved goodbye and went back to watch over my youngest brother. Together we watched his favorite shows shared fruit snacks and went outside to play in the sunshine. 

In the process of taking care of my siblings, I got a small taste of what motherhood is like. It’s a calling on my heart that I have had since I was 16. It’s been the last few years where I started to really see that while the old familiar places feel like home. The people who live there, that is home. 

I have personally chosen to not be overly transparent in regards to TTC. I have made a couple of posts, but I never really opened up my heart and exposed every little detail. Mainly because I felt like it was personal. Even though I share a little here and there, there’s so much more behind the scenes. 

I have chosen to write this post. I have tried writing it so many times and I think I have finally come to a place where I can write it. 

I didn’t know what to expect when trying to have a baby. I didn’t know it would take a little longer, and I certainly didn’t expect the mother load of emotions. No matter how many negative pregnant tests you have, it hurts. Even when you expect it to be negative it hurts. To love someone so much who hasn’t been created yet. This was also the first Mothers Day I got to experience first hand the heartbreak and the joy that day brings.    Colin had gotten me red roses and a sweet Mothers Day card and wrote a sweet note inside. 

I had decided a few months ago, that I wanted to take more pictures. In this case I wanted to take a picture of the flowers Colin gave me. 

  
I posted on Instagram and decided to be honest. To allow myself to be transparent. To allow myself to feel the hurt the last 6 almost 7 months have put my heart through. Then something I didn’t prepare for. The love and support from those that love me. I suddenly realized that these sweet people who are willing to cry with me, will be rejoicing with me when I finally get my BFP ( Big Fat Postive). 

However, I realized something else. Now is the time to build a home for my sweet babies. To prepare my heart for every set of sticky fingers, and every boo-boo. To prepare a place in my heart for the footprints that will stampede it. To prepare to teach them the Gospel. To encourage them, to wipe tears. To rarely hear thank you’s and to rock to sleep a sick little one. Because these little ones will be my home. 

My home is in Colin. Lord only knows no one else could handle being married to me. My craziness as well as my geekiness. To make him my main human priority. To make our marriage number 1. Because when those sweet little faces grow up and start on the paths God has for them, I will still be growing old with my best friend. 

A house is a building, the people you love inside makes it home.

Cause let’s face it, there really is no place like home.

~Brandy

TTC Update #2

   Sorry for my two posts being TTC posts, but I wanted to do a quick update.I thankfully got my visit from Aunt Flo (hello new cycle). I was a little disappointed, at the same time I also felt relief because I didn’t have to deal with the torture of waiting. I have been trying really hard to maintain a pretty healthy diet and stay in shape. Then it will be on to next month and to see what happens. This has been a journey so far, that is for sure. Tears shed and moments of just complete frustration. However I am always reminded of Hannah in the Bible in these moments. There are times where all you can do is go to the altar and tearfully and passionately pray. In the KJV bible in 1 Samuel 1:15 Hannah corrects the priest by informing him that she isn’t drunk but a sorrowful spirit. Not that I am constantly in a sorrowful spirit. There are times in this journey where I have had to stop and just give myself a moment. In those moments it’s the best time to really pray for a refocus. It’s not always the easiest prayer to say, but I don’t want what is suppose to be a joyful time be anything but joyful. If that makes sense.

I am thankful that I am surrounded by those that love me and when I finally get my BFP, I know that everyone will be so happy. I am blessed to be apart of a loving family and that my future babies will be so loved.
I know this is super short but I hope you all have a blessed evening!

~ Brandy

Let’s Talk TTC

    So, I am going to be doing something different here on the blog today. I am going to start doing TTC updates. For those not familiar with what TTC means it means Trying To Conceive. I am just going to take some time and just talk about how I am feeling and what my thoughts are at the moment. I am going to get real personal here. Just warning you now!!Any way, lets jump in. As of right now the past year or so my cycle has been really irregular. It has been a cause of concern as of this past month. I have been “trying” since October. I have the word trying in parentheses because we haven’t really been trying but not doing anything to prevent it. Now obviously I haven’t gotten pregnant so far from trying and if it was a matter of trying and my period showing up on time and not irregular I really wouldn’t worry about it. However, my period has been the opposite of regular. Last month for example. I thought for sure I was pregnant. I was two weeks late, even had what I thought was pregnancy symptoms. Then when my period finally came, it became obvious that not only was I not pregnant, but my cycle was way too irregular for me not to try and seek answers. I am still looking for some answers. This month I am already two days late. I am waiting to see if I miss it completely. If I haven’t started my period and I take the pregnancy test and I get yet another negative, I will be going and figuring out what, if anything is wrong. I’m not going to lie, it makes me nervous. You don’t want to think there is anything wrong. I’m not saying there is, but I also want to brace myself for the just incase. I trust God with my whole heart and He will carry me through this. What I have changed is my diet, and making sure that I continue to do my yoga practice. I am trying to make sure I continue to eat healthy and exercise. I will keep you updated on how the test comes out!

I hope you have a blessed day. And if you are TTCing whjy don’t you leave comment about your journey so far?

~ Brandy

Update: What’s Been Going On?

     I am so glad to be able to sit down and actually write this evening. I have my new candle from Bath and Body Works burning and I felt like today was a good day to update you on what’s going on with me since my last post. 
West Virginia:
   I have yet to really talk about my trip to visit my Aunt Koren in West Virginia. Let me first say, that I loved that small little town I was in! I fell head over heals being in the mountains and enjoying a slower paced life. I loved waking up and seeing the mountain and not having to use an inhaler was nice too. 😉 I have every intention of going up as soon as I can and taking my kids there someday. I am going to insert my pictures from the trip that I took with my phone here:

My view outside my Aunt’s front porch.

The Flea Market prt.1

The Flea Market prt.2

A cave, we saw while sight seeing

The pictures just don’t do this place justice!

 

 

Fort Seybert

 

 

 

 

 

The reenactment of the burning of Fort Seybert

 

 

 

 

 

This is from my last day. My Aunt Koren was leading a 1860’s Church service. I

My Aunt Koren and I.

Women’s Prayer Tea:
At church we did our first prayer tea praying for the women in our community. It was such a joy to spend my time with these wonderful women of God. I learn so much from these women. The food was great and I took some pictures of our fellowship hall decorated for our tea.

The table we used.

I brought some things from my home to use for the center piece.

I love small southern touches!

I brought these from my house. They are just so girly and fun!

The orange curtains are some that we had at the church. They were so pretty and fall like that we decided to keep them on the windows!

The table were we put the food.

TTC????
Well, I am going to touch on this topic a little bit in this blog post, but I plan on doing a different post on this topic. This is going to be a new topic that will be floating around on my blog. If you remember when I started this blog, that’s what I started talking about was timing and I did two posts before I felt like expanding into other topics. I have come to this new chapter in my life and I’ll be honest, this is not going to become a TTC blog. I started this blog with that in mind, but the more that I have prayed about it the more that I have felt that I didn’t want this to become my entire blog. I know that there are women who struggle with infertility, at the same time I want to share my thoughts here and there on the topic. ever since I was little I have always wanted to be a mom. I still have that desire. at the same time I don’t want to stress myself over all the things that could go wrong. My general plan is to just let God bless us in His timing. Don’t get me wrong, I would love for that to happen sooner than later. However, I am feeling really content right now. Like I said , I do plan on doing a more in depth post on the topic, I am hoping in the next day or so, just to explain how I plan on touching this subject here on my blog.

I hope ya’ll are having a blessed evening!

~ Brandy

Here Comes 2014

Well the new year is here and I am looking forward to starting my family. I feel ready, and ready to move on to the next chapter of my life. I will be 23 in March. The really scary fact is that once I turn 23, I will have 3 years before I turn 26.. I feel as though my life has just zipped right past me.. It is really crazy to think about.

Being a planner by nature, I have started pricing baby things, and figuring out how much money we will need to save. I have been on Pinterest and looking for ideas and really just planning away. I am looking forward to putting some of those plans in action. We have two names picked out, one for a boy and the other for a girl. I have been thinking of creative ways to announce that we are expecting. In all honesty though, I really haven’t put to much thought into those ideas. I have also been thinking of gender reveal parties. I like the idea of having close friends and family together to tell them in person the gender before announcing on social media. However, I really can’t imagine throwing a big party like you see pinned on Pinterest. Is this just me?

As I prepare myself to embark on my TTC journey. I have decided to try not to chart, stress, and worry over it. It is a lot easier to say then do. I have been keeping track of my cycles, and fertile weeks. I really want to just relax, and allow things happen naturally. One of things that I have been doing has been remembering that everything happens in seasons. I have really been mentally preparing myself. Really preparing to get into a zone. If you have any advice, please feel free to share with me! I would love to get your input!

~ Brandy