TTC Update

 
It has been almost a week since I have posted. Life gets busy and I have been trying to finish reading a book I started. 

I am overdue for a TTC update. I haven’t shared my heart on this topic in awhile. Mostly because there are moments when it’s the last thing I want to talk about. Unless you have walked the road, you’ll never understand the pain of wanting a baby so much. I have a few people who have been my sounding board to the brutal honesty I don’t always share here. 

I am going to start off by talking about last month:

It was a hard one emotionally. I almost missed the “window” of opportunity. Barely made it and then AF came early. I felt frustrated to be honest. I changed my cycle tracking app called Clue. It has been the easiest app to use and has been for the most part spot on. Which has been super nice. I have been using this app for a few months now and I wish I found it sooner.

Now on to February so far:

This cycle so far has been pretty easy. My one issue has been keeping my coffee to no more then two cups. I try to avoid cup number two.. But you know this girl loves her morning coffee!!

I am approaching my “window” and I think we have finally settled on names. We have gone back and forth with names for awhile. Mostly little girl names. Mainly because none felt right. Little boy names there was one we both loved and knew would be our son’s name. I think though it is safe to say that we feel confident in our baby girl’s name and I have tried it out on our closest family and they LOVED it. I have welcomed the distractions from looking at baby names because I always feel more hopeful afterwards. This month I am holding onto hope alittle tighter. Reminding myself that there is a reason for every season and that everything happens in God’s timing. 

So till my next post! Sending baby dust to those TTCing!

~Brandy 

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If I could tell you how many times I have tried to write this blog post… You may find it crazy. 

I guess apart of me wasn’t ready before. Yet here I am and I am looking at the road ahead. Not sure what this journey will look like but I intend to go forth fearlessly and with hope.

The wonderful thing about blogging is that the blog can be adapted to seasons. 

I have hit a year of TTC. Hard to believe that it has been a year and now I am looking at the next step. I didn’t see myself blogging about infertility. Who really wants to talk about how my body doesn’t seem to be able to do the one thing I would like it to do, carry a baby. For some reason, I have not been able conceive a miracle yet. 

The wave of emotions that I am experiencing right now is not a wave that anyone should face alone. So I have decided to start documenting my journey in depth. Between finding a doctor to appointments to taking tests. I want to open my heart for you to see everything. No sugar coating. I want to be an open book to the heartbreak and tears to the joys. I believe that the Lord will answer my prayer. It may not be when I want Him too, but I want to Learn to trust. 

I still have other things I want to write as well. So I won’t be just writing about babies. I just wanted you to know that this was where I am and I am going to be more transparent about it. 

Till tomorrow!

~Brandy

A New Chapter In The TTC Journey

Well it has been a little bit since I have posted about my TTC journey. I think the last post I talked about the stress of TTC and baby names. So I figured that I should give you an update for the month of July.

I ended up taking a break from TTC for the month of July. No charting, no checking, no stress, no fuss. It helped having friends over for two weeks and going out of town for a week. I needed a vacation and I needed to really just have some fun. In fact it was so relaxing, I have carried it into August. I am currently waiting for AF to show up. Which should be any day now. 

Taking a month off and not really trying for a baby has been a smart move. I came to a point where it was time to stop counting the months that go by. Just enjoy life. If any of you have walked through the TTC journey, you know that it can be draining emotionally. It can be stressful. 

To continue with enjoying life; I am doing WorshipU online courses. I am planning on going down to visit my Aunt in West Virginia. It is all exciting things. Babies are blessing. I don’t want to be frustrated, stressed or worried during the process. 

I will do monthly updates. Because I am still on this journey. I just have a different attitude. That and to be able to look back at these posts later. I can see how my prayers get answered. 

Sending Baby Dust your way!

Brandy

Stress and Baby Names

Jumping on to do a quick TTC update.

So far no BFP. My cycle has also decided to be super irregular. It has made TTC an irritating and emotionally frustrating. I do believe a lot of it is stress. I don’t want to bore you all with a list of things I am stressed out about. I am going to take charge and focus more on reducing my stress levels and less on TTC. Relaxing. I have some fun things in store and I want to focus and enjoy those moments. So far here is what I have been doing:

1. Taking a nap:

I have been turning in earlier and waking up early. I love early mornings and that early morning cup of coffee. About mid day, I have started taking a small nap. A complete unplug. No phone, no tv or music. Silence. Not being also attached to my phone has been so relaxing.

2. Getting out and Doing Things:

Going for walks, swimming in the river. Or going on a day trip. Colin and I have been doing more this summer as a couple as well as individuals. Having fun and laughing is a great way to reduce your stress levels! 

I have also gotten into thinking about names. We have a boy name picked and ready to go. However we have been looking at girl names. The problem hasn’t been finding names. It’s been me liking a whole bunch names and trying to sort through them and pick one! The boy name was easy. It is the only name both Colin and I loved when it comes to a boy. The girl name has been more of a challenge. Mainly because I have been looking for names that not every one is using. So far there are two names that I am in love with! It’s picking the one I would use now. That has been a challenge. I won’t be sharing them until I am pregnant, gender is known and I make the announcement. 😉 

So there is my quick update! How about you? How do you relieve stress? Got your babies names picked out? feel free to send me a comment! 

~Brandy

There’s No Place Like Home

  

Thursday morning I finished packing my bags and came back to the place I grew up. I always love coming back home. I love pulling up the drive and seeing the familiar barn, the sound of the gravel crunching beneath the tires. The sweet clean air and the over grown Christmas trees that could probably tell a story or two. 

I came back to help my mom since she had a procedure done. This morning I walked my younger siblings down to the bus, waved goodbye and went back to watch over my youngest brother. Together we watched his favorite shows shared fruit snacks and went outside to play in the sunshine. 

In the process of taking care of my siblings, I got a small taste of what motherhood is like. It’s a calling on my heart that I have had since I was 16. It’s been the last few years where I started to really see that while the old familiar places feel like home. The people who live there, that is home. 

I have personally chosen to not be overly transparent in regards to TTC. I have made a couple of posts, but I never really opened up my heart and exposed every little detail. Mainly because I felt like it was personal. Even though I share a little here and there, there’s so much more behind the scenes. 

I have chosen to write this post. I have tried writing it so many times and I think I have finally come to a place where I can write it. 

I didn’t know what to expect when trying to have a baby. I didn’t know it would take a little longer, and I certainly didn’t expect the mother load of emotions. No matter how many negative pregnant tests you have, it hurts. Even when you expect it to be negative it hurts. To love someone so much who hasn’t been created yet. This was also the first Mothers Day I got to experience first hand the heartbreak and the joy that day brings.    Colin had gotten me red roses and a sweet Mothers Day card and wrote a sweet note inside. 

I had decided a few months ago, that I wanted to take more pictures. In this case I wanted to take a picture of the flowers Colin gave me. 

  
I posted on Instagram and decided to be honest. To allow myself to be transparent. To allow myself to feel the hurt the last 6 almost 7 months have put my heart through. Then something I didn’t prepare for. The love and support from those that love me. I suddenly realized that these sweet people who are willing to cry with me, will be rejoicing with me when I finally get my BFP ( Big Fat Postive). 

However, I realized something else. Now is the time to build a home for my sweet babies. To prepare my heart for every set of sticky fingers, and every boo-boo. To prepare a place in my heart for the footprints that will stampede it. To prepare to teach them the Gospel. To encourage them, to wipe tears. To rarely hear thank you’s and to rock to sleep a sick little one. Because these little ones will be my home. 

My home is in Colin. Lord only knows no one else could handle being married to me. My craziness as well as my geekiness. To make him my main human priority. To make our marriage number 1. Because when those sweet little faces grow up and start on the paths God has for them, I will still be growing old with my best friend. 

A house is a building, the people you love inside makes it home.

Cause let’s face it, there really is no place like home.

~Brandy

A Letter To My Future Daughters ( If I am Blessed with Little Girls)

    I just came back home from seeing the movie Cinderella. First off I loved it1 The little girl in me loved seeing one of my favorite princess movies come to life on the big screen. Don’t even get me started on the dresses! I loved the message in the movie; Be Kind, Be Courageous. There was forgiveness, kindness, accepting who you are and hope in believing. I could not help but think that if I were to be blessed with daughters I want them to know not only to always be kind, and to willingly forgive others that have wronged them. But to know that they are loved and cherished.

Even though I don’t have any little girls (yet, Lord willing) I want to write this note for them. and even if I don’t ever have little girls, I pray this will bless you and your little girls.

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Dear Daughter(s),
I pray that you know how beautiful you are. That you are comfortable with who you are, no matter what anyone else thinks. You are a princess, not only in the eyes of your Mom and Dad, but in the eyes of a loving God who gave His Son to die in your place. I want to share with you my heart for you.

Always be kind. It doesn’t matter who you interact with, I pray that you will extend kindness to them. Even if they are mean to you, still treat them with kindness. It is hard, and there are going to be people who will treat you unkindly. That should never be your excuse to treat anyone with unkindness. The world we live in sadly encourages unkindness. There are going to be people who are different, believe differently, you may even disagree with someone. Still treat them with kindness. Even Jesus was kind to those who hated Him.

Always be brave. Being courageous is not always the easiest thing. Especially if you are scared. You are going to face trials, and seasons that will be scary. I pray that you will meet challenges head on with courage and grace. God will never allow you to go through anything that he doesn’t think you can handle. He will never abandon you nor will He forsake you.

Forgive those who do you wrong. It is hard to forgive those who have hurt you. However, forgiveness is a powerful thing. Jesus forgave those who crucified Him. Also forgive yourself. There may times where you have felt like you have failed, or let us down. You must not let Satan use it to hang over your head. Seek forgiveness and remember that God forgives you as well. Asking forgiveness is hard but it is worth it.

Marry not only for love, but marry someone who loves you for you. You were knitted together by God, and every bit of you was not an accident. I pray that you find someone who loves you for all you are. There is only one you and no one can take your place. The man that loves you for you, will not want to hide your light, will help you achieve your dreams, and will love you as an example of how Christ loves His bride. He won’t be perfect, and there will be dreams that may not play out the way you hoped. The man you are meant to spend the rest of your life will dry your tears and treat you like a queen. Treat him as a king. Love him for who he is, and the way God created him. Don’t seek to change him but learn to love him just the way he is. The way he was knitted together was not an accident either, and when God wrote his story who were already thought of. Trust God in your marriage, always!

Know you are worth much more then you think. You are a precious treasure. You have a place in this life. You are not only apart of my story or your dad’s story. You have your own story that God is writing. It may not look like you will have a happy ending some days, however if you put your trust and faith in God, happy ending’s are actually just the beginning of something wonderful.

You will always have your mom and dad who love you. As well as a God who loves you even more then you can ever imagine.

Love always, Mom

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I highly recommend the movie! It had some life lessons that are important, and it was nice to see a movie that was stunning. I hope you all have a wonderful night!

~ Brandy

TTC Update #2

   Sorry for my two posts being TTC posts, but I wanted to do a quick update.I thankfully got my visit from Aunt Flo (hello new cycle). I was a little disappointed, at the same time I also felt relief because I didn’t have to deal with the torture of waiting. I have been trying really hard to maintain a pretty healthy diet and stay in shape. Then it will be on to next month and to see what happens. This has been a journey so far, that is for sure. Tears shed and moments of just complete frustration. However I am always reminded of Hannah in the Bible in these moments. There are times where all you can do is go to the altar and tearfully and passionately pray. In the KJV bible in 1 Samuel 1:15 Hannah corrects the priest by informing him that she isn’t drunk but a sorrowful spirit. Not that I am constantly in a sorrowful spirit. There are times in this journey where I have had to stop and just give myself a moment. In those moments it’s the best time to really pray for a refocus. It’s not always the easiest prayer to say, but I don’t want what is suppose to be a joyful time be anything but joyful. If that makes sense.

I am thankful that I am surrounded by those that love me and when I finally get my BFP, I know that everyone will be so happy. I am blessed to be apart of a loving family and that my future babies will be so loved.
I know this is super short but I hope you all have a blessed evening!

~ Brandy