I remember the night I got saved pretty clearly. It was an unusually warm November and I was standing in a room in a convention center that was a prayer room. It was lined with paper and you could grab a marker and write a prayer request. With a marker in hand I stared at the blank space where I was going to write my own prayer request. I had grown up in the Church, yet I had never accepted Jesus as my personal Savior. I ended up writing a very generic prayer request, something along the lines of praying that God would speak to whomever. What I really wanted to write was: Help, I am lost. Instead of putting down what was really going down in my heart, I ran from it. I replaced the cap on the marker and left feeling as hopeless as I was walking in. Good news though: that night God did speak to whomever and that was me, because I ended up giving my life to Jesus. My life changed that night. Laying in bed that night listening to the waves crash onto the shore, I marveled at the difference I felt. I went from being the girl was gripping a marker pleading for help, to an hour later feeling hope, love and true joy. This November will be 12 years.
Our stories are unique. Our stories bear witness to all the amazing things God has done in and through our lives. So why is it so hard to take the marker and put what is really on our hearts and give it over to God? Even in the privacy of our journals we still put up walls. I eventually had to tell myself to get over myself. There is nothing nor will there ever be anything that God does not already know. So why do we death grip the marker? White knuckling it till the pretty words come out instead of the sorrow, the pain and the anguish, we are really feeling? God understands, He has been there. We are going to go through hard times. It is apart of this broken, temporary place that we call home for now. There is some scripture that remind me that even in the tough times I was never intended to go through them alone, and I am not the only person who has ever gone through it.
Now we have this treasure in clay jars, so that this extraordinary power may be from God and not from us. We are afflicted in every way but not crushed; we are perplexed but not in despair, we are persecuted but not abandoned; we are struck down but not destroyed. 2 Corinthians 4:7-9
While it is normal to have days where we are just feeling lost and abandoned. We are not. Do you trust God? Do you believe that He will take care of you? Do you understand that you are beloved, wanted, loved dearly, cherished…to name a few? Let’s jump ahead in the same passage:
Therefore we do not give up. Even though our outer person is being destroyed, our inner person is being renewed day by day. For our momentary light affliction is producing for us an absolutely incomparable eternal weight of glory. So we do not focus on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
It’s all temporary. So what do we do? Well, let’s start by releasing the death grip on the marker your holding on to. The blank space in front of you? Write it out, tell God all about it. You will find freedom there. Let’s be honest with ourselves. Let’s tell God how we are really feeling, He already knows. Then allow for the Spirit to transform us. Trust that no matter what you are going through, no matter what your story is, there is a way out. Sure, it may take time. Sometimes a painful season is longer then what we want. But let’s learn from those time too. We just have to let go and Trust that God has got us. He has us in the palm of His hand and He will never let us go.