The Calling I Hid From

Hello and welcome to my little home here on the internet! I am so glad you stopped by! 

I hope you don’t mind my soul sharing but I want to talk about callings. Specifically the one I have been hiding from. 

“How does one hide from their calling?” You may be wondering…well here is my realization.

When I felt God speak to me and tell me I was going to be a Pastor’s wife, that wasn’t scary to me. I was fully prepared to be someone’s side kick. To encourage my husband from the pew as he got up to the pulpit. Easy right? 

God had to have laughed. Today I am married and my husband is licensed to preach, a deacon at our Church and looking at seminary. The calling to be a Pastor’s wife was easy because I didn’t listen to the still small voice saying “ Okay Brandy, now that you know what your husband’s occupation is, let’s talk about how you are going to serve me.” I went about my business. Then I kept feeling the nudging of the Spirit and the opportunities that were open and I didn’t take because I had the following excuses:

1. I am too anxious

2. I don’t know how to start

3. I felt like I was going to drown before stepping into the water

They were excuses. God can use us no matter where we came from or who we are. It’s no secret to Him if I’m shy and introverted. He created me! But He created me to step out of my comfort zone despite my introverted ways. 

This blog, writing, sharing my heart through written word and spoken words are gifts and talents He has given me as a mission field. The disinterest, the fear… I hid from writing because it was easier to do then to step out on faith and allow God to take control. I was being a control freak. I liked controlling my destiny.  When in reality, I had no control at all. 

In the beginning of February, I approached my Pastor and my Pastor’s wife about my anxiety. I had been plagued for months with intense anxiety. I got to a place where I felt I couldn’t hear God and I couldn’t discern His voice. We had made arrangements to meet up after Church on Sundays. I started the devotional 100 Days To Brave. Then before our meeting to discuss what I had gleaned from my first week Lisa, my pastor’s wife, passed away suddenly. A part of me honestly felt that I couldn’t go on with it. You know though, I had already had break through moments and I felt the anxiety dripping away. Why put back on the chains? I continued on. The past week had been about callings. As I prayed, for the first time with listening ears and I committed to doing whatever was asked of me, I felt God open my eyes to my writing. 

I don’t know where He will take me but the point is; I am done hiding from it. There is a quote from Elisabeth Elliot that I love and I believe is fitting: 

“ This job has been given to me to do. Therefore, it is a gift. Therefore, it is a privilege. Therefore, it is an offering I may make to God. Therefore, it has to been done gladly if it is done for Him. Here, not somewhere else, I may learn God’s way. In this job, not in some other, God looks for faithfulness.” -Elisabeth Elliot

What is the job, the calling you are called to do? Don’t hide, do it. If you don’t know your calling, seek Him. He will reveal His job for you to do. Then when you you find it, do the next thing (another Elisabeth Elliot reference). 

– Brandy