I have already posted a post on Instagram and Facebook and yet for some reason I feel like the words I typed out are not enough. So here I am typing out a blog post.
You had a light about you. You were loving, kind, and you poured yourself into others. I know you never knew how much you meant to people, and I know that you had no clue of the impact you had on others. You loved Jesus, your family, your church…and while I don’t blame you and I am not mad that God took you too soon, because I know that His plans are not mine. Even as I try to wrap my mind around it all, I keep hearing you telling me to be kind to myself. I know it will hurt for a bit, but goodness the things that you have taught me! I don’t know if I can begin to count or recount all of those things. You seemed to see the “Me” that God intended me to be when I couldn’t see it. The cards, the texts, the hugs….there is just so many things over the few years I have had the joy of calling you friend on earth. To be honest if I can put one word to the feeling I have in this moment it’s lonely. Walking into Church today was one of the hardest things I have done in my life, I stared at the missions office hoping that if it truely were a bad dream you’d walk through. I could barely get through the hymns this morning because all I could picture is you singing the same songs in eternity in the presence of our Savior.
You poured so much into; not just myself, but to so many people. I promise to try to be brave. I hope you’ll understand that I simply don’t feel so brave right now. I will try to be the Pastor’s wife you saw me as.
Today when I got home, I got into my comfy clothes and I grabbed the coloring book you gave me simply because you saw it and it made you think of me. I colored for a bit and thought of all the good times. I smiled because sending cards or seeing something like a coloring book for someone was something you did. You were a giving person, you never asked for anything in return.
I thought of how on Friday night, I was putting on the dramatics with the storm and the electricity out. I was home alone and had brought out an extra oil lamp and when I ran out of fire wood, I went out in the whirling wind to bring some in and then felt the need to have coffee. So of course I found a way to make coffee and I laughed to myself because I felt like I was in Little House On The Prairie. I couldn’t wait to tell you because I knew you’d laugh and find it funny.
No matter how many tears are shed or how much I wish you were here for longer, you are home now. How can I possibly wish you back after all the beauty you are seeing. You are in such a better place and in time I will start to understand that.
I love you my friend, you have left footprints on my heart and for that I will be forever thankful. See you soon!