Where do I begin?
This is my second time attending Dare To Be. Last year was really good, but this year… Was better. You really could feel the Lords presence in the arena. I also got to attend this event with my mom.
Coming in, I had a broken heart. I don’t talk to much about my fertility journey, because I never really know how to talk about it. There are never enough words to describe how much each month that doesn’t work out breaks my heart. I have been putting band aid after band aid. Yesterday as I was getting myself ready, I felt the all to familiar cramping and knew that this month was yet another month that the answer was “No.” I took a deep breathe and I was just going to put a band aid on it. Then I heard a voice whisper in my heart to come to Him as I am. Heartbroken, and feeling like a failure, to come to Him in honest worship. To sing from my heart and allow Him to heal the scars. To allow Him to comfort me. The first song we sang last night was ” How Great Thou Art” and as I sang completely exposed before my King, I started to heal. I have been robbing myself of an intimate encounter simply because I felt like I could just bandage it up.
And just when the walls started crumbling down. I had to face another issue in my life that has been an older friend then unexplained infertility. The theme for the conference was Known. And in the beginning we were giving a card in our program that said “Dare to be Known as..” And towards the end we were asked to fill out the name in which we need to remember God knows us as and not what the enemy knows us as. Charlotte Gambill started listing some lies that we may believe about ourselves. Then she got to the one name that I have believed for many years and it felt like a wreaking ball on my heart. I have spent years believing that I was never enough. For years I have heard comments like: too skinny, goodie, needs new hobbies, reads to much..ect. I struggled with feeling like I was never enough. I have walked around for years feeling though I would never be good enough for anybody, because I allowed myself to claim the name Never Enough, and I identified myself with that name. A name given to me by my enemy.
So as I stared at that card I wrote that I was going to dare to be known as : enough. That the pain I have been paying into, the enemy is now paying because God looks at me and tells me that I am enough. Not only am I enough but I am beautiful, precious, loved,chosen.. Those names are what we need to know ourselves as. Those are our true names not the ones that the enemy wants us to claim.
As we sang the chorus of Ever Be after seeing almost every single woman in the building receive Jesus and the rest were recommitting themselves. I sang those words as the name God has been calling. It was a moment of absolute beauty.
A moment that was also filmed and will be in select theaters on March 16,2016. If you couldn’t make it to the conference, go see it in the theater. It was an honor to be able to be a part of an event that will change so many lives.
Daring to be Known