You Should Be Here

It’s that time of year I dread. The part of the year where there are two days I feel as though pieces of my heart are missing. I am reminded of two people I love dearly and yet taken too soon. 

I am reminded of the hardest goodbyes I have ever had to say. 

My dear sweet cousin Chrissy died 7 years ago today and yesterday marked 2 years since my Uncle Ozzie passed away. 

I remember standing in the ICU two years ago watching the monitor showing the heartbeat of my uncle. I thought how morbid it was that we had to say goodbye a day before we were to be reminded of another absent from our lives, taken 5 years before that moment. I don’t remember ever feeling that raw. It was dreadful and I felt my eyes burning with the tears. I told myself I had to be strong for those around me. My time to let it all go would come. 

So every January 23rd-24th, I allow myself to let go. To feel the hurt, to wish that they were here. Where I remove the old stitches and replace them with new ones. Where I brace myself for another a year of cookouts and family gatherings without them present. Time has healed my heart a portion, yet these wounds will never fully heal. There are always memories and a song that will remind me of camping trips and days where they made me laugh. Yet once you have loved someone, you never really stop loving them.

~Brandy