ReLearning to Love Music

So much for blogging yesterday! 

As soon as I got my blog post up on Wednesday, everything got hectic. Between a death in the family to my brother’s first choir concert.. It has been a busy couple of days.

Last night I got to snap this picture:

  
I snapped it just before it darkened. I started a new book about handling change (Hope to do a review once I am finished!) and I realized just how much I really don’t handle change very well. I like change when I am in control of it, I don’t like being forced into it. How can accept change in my life and actually see it as a blessing or to learn to trust God more? I am looking forward to being challenged.

|Speaking of Change|

I have found that as I have changed, so has my worship. When I got saved and worshiped as a believer for the first time after I said ” I Do” to God and divorced my old ways, it was such a beautiful moment. Music and writing always made me feel closer to God. I loved writing lyrics and worshipping. 

Then I met a boy.

He loved music as much as I did and I thought we would get married and make music together till the day we died. However, very quickly that part me died when I didn’t feel good enough, when the music we wrote seemed to glorify a past I longed to forget. When he made me feel like I would never be anything without him. I lost a part of me and my love of music died with it.

Fast forward to the present.

I am married and have learned the difference between the lies I believed and the truth. I never faced the other part. The part that was keeping me from worship indepth.

The first time I felt prompted about my love of worship was at a Hillsong Worship Concert. There I felt God just take my heart and start to mold it. Then I attended the Dare To Be conference and felt the continued molding.

Then I enrolled in WorshipU online. I wasn’t sure what God was going to do with my heart this time but I quickly found out. 

He wanted me to fall in love with music again. Not just music but reconnect with Him in song, a language that was ours. 

As I have found my love of music again, my worship is richer. My heart is open and I see the beauty in creation again. 

~Brandy

Let’s Chat

If I could tell you how many times I have tried to write this blog post… You may find it crazy. 

I guess apart of me wasn’t ready before. Yet here I am and I am looking at the road ahead. Not sure what this journey will look like but I intend to go forth fearlessly and with hope.

The wonderful thing about blogging is that the blog can be adapted to seasons. 

I have hit a year of TTC. Hard to believe that it has been a year and now I am looking at the next step. I didn’t see myself blogging about infertility. Who really wants to talk about how my body doesn’t seem to be able to do the one thing I would like it to do, carry a baby. For some reason, I have not been able conceive a miracle yet. 

The wave of emotions that I am experiencing right now is not a wave that anyone should face alone. So I have decided to start documenting my journey in depth. Between finding a doctor to appointments to taking tests. I want to open my heart for you to see everything. No sugar coating. I want to be an open book to the heartbreak and tears to the joys. I believe that the Lord will answer my prayer. It may not be when I want Him too, but I want to Learn to trust. 

I still have other things I want to write as well. So I won’t be just writing about babies. I just wanted you to know that this was where I am and I am going to be more transparent about it. 

Till tomorrow!

~Brandy

Being Refined Like Gold

Well after an expected break from blogging to handle family matters, I am back. 

Isn’t it funny how unexpected life is? I want to share with you my heart for a moment.

  

My heart has been bursting.  With Colin now licensed, the Lord has really been doing a number on my heart. Where am I to serve in the local church?

That is a question that I have avoided answering for two reasons:

1. I wasn’t looking because I was content. I thought I would be doing something in Childrens Ministry. The very thought of doing something else scared me. I have loved seeing God work in the hearts of children that I got to teach. Seeing them grow into God fearing young men and women. Scary to think my first class where I started as a teachers helper is in High School now! ( Say it’s not so!!!!) My last class where I was lead teacher for the two year olds are now 4-5 year olds. 

2. I have ignored the gentle tug. All because of my insecurities in myself. 

If you know how gold is made there is step where the gold is heated and the impurities gets skimmed until there is nothing but gold.  I am in that skimming stage right now. The process at times hurts, and sometimes I don’t quite understand the purpose in some of the harder times. However, I know that there is a reason for the season I am in. In the end the answer to the question, where I will serve will be answered in whole. In this time; I am content to be crashed by each wave till the only thing that comes out of mouth is: It Is Well With My Soul. 

In the end I will come to know more in depth, me as a person who is loved by Jesus in ways I can only imagine. The journey may be hard and I may need to be wandering the desert for 40 years till I come to the genesis of a new chapter. But this I know, I am not alone. Never was. Never will be. 

~ Brandy