* I am taking a small break from the blog series I have been doing on my favorite things. I will be doing a post in a few days to complete the series in one post. I am going to be blogging on what is going on in my personal life right now. Thank you for understanding. *
Last night, I headed down to the hospital. It all felt just like one bad dream and I couldn’t wake up from it. I hadn’t slept well the night before due to checking my phone every hour afraid I would miss a call or text. I walked through the doors of hospital and was met by my grandmother. Then began the long walk to the ICU. It seemed to take forever. My tears were blurring my sight and I was trying to keep myself together so that I can just say good bye the way I wanted to. As we entered the ICU my grandmother grabbed my hand as we walked towards the rest of my family.
My Great uncle Ozzie, was going to be taken off of life support. Nothing could have prepared me for this. Not only did we have to say good bye to a great man, but this month is already a hard month. Today marks the 5 year anniversary of my cousin Chrissy’s death. Today we are mourning two great people, taken to soon. A day and five years apart.
As I entered into his room to say my good byes. It seemed just like yesterday, every time I saw him I would giggle and hide because I knew he was going to tickle me. It seems like yesterday he and I would talk, and he would tell me to listen to my heart, and that as long as the decisions I made, made me happy and were right for me, it didn’t matter what anybody else thought. You get a card in the mail and he would sign every card with ” LOVE ME” in caps. If he got you a present and knew you would like it, he would wrap the gift with more tape then wrapping paper. making it next to impossible to open it.
I hugged my aunts and then I gave my uncle Ozzie a kiss and told him that I loved him. Then was with him when he took his last breath. It was the hardest things I have ever had to. I was blessed to have known him. I am blessed to have a close knit family that loves each other. After he had left us, I was holding his hand in mine (while my aunt stepped out for a little bit). I sat there and just couldn’t believe he was gone. No longer is he in pain. After we had let the hospital, I saw so many trucks ( uncle Ozzie was a trucker) in some ways seeing all those trucks was like God saying everything was going to be okay.
Good byes are not easy. Especially when it is someone you love. You don’t think saying good bye is even possible until your forced to. In some ways, it doesn’t feel real. I talked to mom, and told Colin that I loved him. Took a nap, because I had a hard time sleeping last night. I am thankful he was at my wedding, my graduation, birthday parties.. Thankful for every hug and advice.
I want to take a moment and thank everybody who has sent their well wishes and prayers for my family. We appreciate it very much.
I love you Uncle Ozzie and Chrissy
Photo credit: My aunt Koren Rawlings with other great aunts and grandmother and my great uncle Ozzie.
My uncle Ozzie, my mom and I am the baby and the little girl is Chrissy.